I hope you've never done anything wrong in your entire life. Otherwise, it could be really, really difficult to get a job working in the bars slinging beers to people until 2 in the morning.
Having worked in promotions for several years as a spokesperson for several different brands (think cars, beer, and liquor) I can tell you that promotional work is probably the easiest money that you could ever make by merely selling out. The hiring standards for such jobs are completely infuriating (if you're ugly) and shady at best (if you're into that ethics thing). Either you can look really awesome and have no experience, or look sort of average (but definitely not overweight) and just know the market manager.
When I heard that a friend of mine was the market manager for a very, very well-known beer manufacturer I got in touch with him to get on board. I was really sort of surprised, that even with all of my experience, he said I had to go through corporate. Go through corporate? To be a beer girl? Don't I just have to look good?
I sent 'corporate' an email, the reply to which included a time to meet for a formal interview. Seemed fair -- since the hiring staff was not located within our market --until I got to the end of the email and scanned the 7 attachments, 6 of which were to be filled out and brought to the interview.
The employment application was four pages, and included a salary history and references. The other forms required at the very least my social security number, address, and signature indicating my permission to give said company all rights to look into anything I've ever done, ever. I filled out the application half-seriously (For 'special skills' I put that I was pretty good at Trivial Pursuit), and signed over the rights to check all of my previous court cases, driving records, and run a credit report.
The interview went smoothly, however, the paper trail hadn't been satiated. She handed me two more, for drug testing.
"Why are there two?" I asked, looking down at the forms.
"Well, one of them is for the pee test," she said pointing to one of the forms, before running her finger over the next, "And this one is for the hair test."
I gave her a puzzled look. "Hair test?!"
"Yeah, basically, you can hide narcotic use in urine so they actually take an inch worth of your hair to cross-process the results."
I paused. "And this is to give people beer?"
So. You're allowed to be a beer girl who is supposed to be looked upon by the general public as someone who is informative about the product, and knows how to interact with the crowd populating any sort of bar at any given hour, however, you have to have absolutely no drug history and a perfect record. Jesus, it's a good thing restaurant cooks don't have to endure this abuse; there wouldn't be anyone qualified to work.
I had to take my lunch break to go get my hair cut off by a dude that was easily 6'4" 270 pounds. It was weird having a man of such stature thumbing through my hair, making conversation. I felt like I was at the prison barber shop. It came time for the pee test, and he spoke to me without looking at me, and his request was so odd I asked him to repeat what he'd said.
"So are you a straight shooter?"
"Excuse me?" I had meant for him to clarify, however, he just repeated the same sentence with raised eyebrows.
"Are you a straight shooter?"
I wasn't sure if he was asking me if I had a penis or if I was lying. I tried to pick the most all-encompassing answer I could think of.
"Depends."
This sent him into a full fit of heavy laughter.
"Depends?" he laughed, "On what?"
I was still confused as to how I was supposed to know whether or not I was going to be able to piss in a straight line preemtively.
"I don't know," I said slowly, "Every time is different."
Regardless, by the time I'd fulfilled all of the requirements to work on this particular account (not even having been given a guarantee of employment), I was exhausted.
Below, I've listed the requirements to become a teacher in the State of Ohio:
* Have at least a bachelor's degree, and, in some states, a fifth year or master's degree
* Complete an approved, accredited education program
* Have a major or minor in education
* Have a major in the subject area in which they plan to teach
* Have a strong liberal arts foundation
* Pass either a state test, the widely-used PRAXIS exam, or another exam
As compared with the requirements to hand out beer in a bar:
*Have at least a bachelor's degree
*Complete at least two years experience in the field
*Complete Client training program, generally in an off-site location lasting anywhere from 1-3 days.
*Be attractive, outgoing, fit, and fit a personality profile confidential to the client.
*Have a previous knowledge about said product, and be able to demonstrate that knowledge
*Drug test, urine and hair sample
*Background check: criminal and civil courts
*Background check: driving records
*Complete credit history check
So next time you see that girl in the 3/4" length shorts that looks like a referee, or a shiny silver angel it's okay to go ahead and take her home. She's super cute, disease-free, and parted with locks of her hair just to give you a flashing blinky button.
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