We Didn't Start the Fire

Some people read books, some changes are inspired by poetry, and some rely on the wisdom from friends or fortune cookies or quotes underneath bottle caps to lead their life in its next new direction. But - there is a lot to be learned from the cyclical nature of things that happen around us every day. As people, we come and go, and spend the process of our lives trying to get better by what we learn and how it applies to making situations better for ourselves and those we love. A lot of these lessons can be learned by just paying attention to the subtleties by which the trees still stand, the birds still sing, and rocks become perfectly smooth just by looking up from a modest river. And not. doing. a. damn. thing. These are things that have lasted much longer than I ever will and with so much less control. I don't read a lot of books that encourage me to relinquish control and encourage taking no action whatsoever. 

The other day was a cold day, inside and out, and I decided to start a fire to bring some warmth to my situation. An event that was mostly reserved for the man of the house, I realized that I had relied on that for so long I did not even know how to build fire -- one of the most basic needs of survival. I struggled with the flue, got soot all over my hands, and set up the wood how I picture campfires in my mind. I wadded and lit the paper, put it into my perfect arrangement, yet it merely teased me until it just dissipated into ashes once again. As my frustration grew, my sense of failure also grew, and I began to correlate all sorts the disappointments in my life with the fizzling fire. I was doing everything right that I knew how to do, and it lay there, crackling and cold. In a final attempt I got down on my knees, through tears, to cup my hands and blow my wavering breath to the still-burning embers only to see glimpses of hope and inevitable failure. Again.

I walked away, dejected and bruised, to focus my efforts onto other things that needed done and served to take my mind off of the smoke lingering in the fireplace. I turned on the space heater, put on some socks, and eventually I did forget about my earlier efforts because I was productive elsewhere. About an hour later, while bringing some clothes out into the living room, I heard a crackling from the hallway. Slowly, I approached the hearth to see that the wood and ashes - which had been gray and dull - were now fully engulfed into healthy sized flames, with each log afire. Outside, I heard the wind whistling through the trees and realized it was nature's own hand that started my fire. Perhaps I did have everything perfectly placed, but the conditions were just not conducive for the flourishing fire when I wanted it. 

The best thing I actually did was to walk away.

Things Disney Did to Complicate My Life

Everything I need to know, I learned from believing the complete opposite of every animated Disney movie I have ever seen. Sure they seem as innocuous as a wide-eyed virgins within them, but there are some dangerous lessons we are learning from these cheerful cartoons. I feel it is harmful to feed these fairy tales to our impressionable youth, setting them them up to spend a lifetime getting crushed by the realities of life instead of the oversimplified idealism they were expecting. Ok, so maybe that's just me. But, there are just some things that you can't un-learn: our sense of mortality, the concept of failure, and of course that some prince is out there waiting for us.

I watched Little Mermaid again this week, and such is not the best thing to do when you are feeling sorry for yourself, heartbroken, or otherwise pining for times past or a better future. 

So here it is, oversimplified, just as Disney would have wanted it.

Things Disney Did to Complicate My Life:

1. Everything has meaning. No it doesn't. Some things just don't make any sense. They're possibly never going to make any sense and the only thing worse than not knowing, is beating yourself up about it. 

2. I am never going to have hair like that. EVER. See also: I am never going to have boobs like that, I am never going to have a waist like that, I am never going to have eyes like that, etc.

3. Animals can talk. Perhaps this is the most difficult one for me to overcome. I want them to talk SO. BAD. And, even though I am an animal-lover, I think that this kind of thing leads us to humanize animals, which isn't the best thing for domesticated pets (or for children's charities).

4. Three words: Peter Pan Syndrome. RUN FROM IT AS FAST AS YOU CAN, WENDY!

5. Things will fall into place for us if we just have faith. As much as I want to believe this one (religious overtones omitted purposely) I don't realistically think that the best path to meet our goals is passivity, or faith in the universe to make our lives better for us. I think you have to get off your ass and make shit happen for yourself, and I think having control of your OWN life is actually the ideal I should have learned.

6. I need a hero. Women are constantly being put in a position in these movies where a major obstacle cannot be overcome until a prince saves them and sweeps them off their feet. In conjunction with the afore-mentioned 'faith' complex, I don't think that submissivity and parlaying to outdated ideas of the weaker gender is really gonna land us a great man. You know, the one that's out there searching for us this very minute. Conversely, this puts men in a position where they feel as though they have to take on a woman's problems in order to feel useful in her life.

7. You can trust anyone that isn't blatantly scary, or who is a witch. Everyone else's intentions are as good as gold. Right?

8. Good always triumphs over evil. Uh, does anyone else watch the news?

9. You don't need a mother. How many of the Disney characters were orphaned, or had no mother figure? Cue abandonment issues...

10. There is one person out there for all of us; our true love. Some people actually NEVER get over this one. I hate to piss on this idealism when it's still so culturally sound, but I don't believe in the concept of true love. I believe in working hard, compromise, and learning how to relate to people to make the best of your relationship.