It's not so much that I have a clock ticking by which I feel as though I need to pump out a baby, it's just that as each day passes, people are ruining names I could pick for my future children. I have to hurry up and get someone to get me pregnant or the only decent names that don't have any painful or uncomfortable memories attached to them are going to be ones I'm going to have to bring back from the 1940s. Like Harold, or Eugene or Gail. Or, I'm going to have to get creative and throw an apostrophe in there someplace. I'm torn though because I want my kid to be able to find his or her name on pencils and stickers and shit at the flea market. I know the disappointment that is attached to hopefully searching the rack of personalized mugs or cards or pencil toppers from your knees and never being able to find your name spelled correctly, or even at all.
Sometimes I sit and consider names that I would like to name a future spawn, only to get waited on by a 'Trent' or a 'Brendan' a week later that is a total dick. Thus, all fleeting experiences are potential spoilers for my unnamed baby. So, you have to think, that at some point when a couple of people are dreaming up what they're going to call their kid for the rest of its life, YOU might actually come up in conversation as a reason to not name the baby with your name.
"Oh, man, we can't name this baby Kristine."
"Why not?"
"I knew this girl once that told me this really disgusting story about tampons and dead babies or something."
"Oh my God, that's terrible!"
"I know."
"Well, what about Katie?"
"I actually like that name, but we can't name her that, either."
"Because?"
"That was the dead baby girl's sister."
"Oh."
See how many names you can come up with that have absolutely no accompanying issues relating to famous people, friends, family, friends of friends, waiters, high school classmates, baristas, etc. I am beginning to get a better understanding of how people end up named Lashawnda and Moonflower.
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