Dude, times are hard. Even Japanese companies are laying off workers, and as I learned from NPR this morning, Japanese companies don't lay people off. I learned from someecards that keeping your job was the new promotion, and I learned by the overwhelming positive undertones that are scaring their way into the local and national news that shit must be getting really, really bad.
Here are a couple things I have been doing to save money, and I thought that I would share them with you as well, in case you find yourself feeling the crunch.
1. Condoms are expensive. Fear not! You can make your own out of leftover plastic wrap from deli meats and cheeses and a rubber band or hair tie, both of which can be found in your neighbors' trash. Make sure to leave enough room at the end for the 'reservoir tip' or things are going to get pretty messy pretty fast.
2. Cats eat tuna. People eat tuna. Canned cat food tuna costs $.79, canned people food tuna costs $1.99. Two words: Casserole.
3. Petty theft. Think about it; if it were SO bad, it wouldn't be called petty.
4. Start answering Craigslist ads from strange gentlemen traveling here on business that just claim to want to take a nice lady to dinner. They get: attention. You get: free dinner, and the fuck out of there before they notice.
5. Find alternate uses for common household objects. For example, did you know that a cast iron waffle maker can double as an assault weapon? Additionally, a chair can also be used for those high and hard-to-reach areas. Wave goodbye to your bills for bats, guns, 'Beware of Dog' signs, and stepstools.
6. Explain to your friends that your license has been suspended and pressure them into giving you rides to and, most importantly, home from the bar. Not only will this save you money, you will find out who your true friends are.
7. Why give up beer AND food, when beer IS food? Studies show that replacing two meals a day with beer not only works quicker than traditional diets, but if you hit up strictly happy hours and you aren't that picky, you can save up to $200 a month. Combine this tip with the one listed above, and the money-saving potential doubles.
8. Break up with your significant other. In a rough economy, something's gotta give. The emotional trauma that ensues from breaking off a healthy and relatively stress-free relationship will make your appetite virtually disappear. No appetite = no grocery bill.
9. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squatting. Hey; it's only temporary.
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