So I was at Brazenhead last night waiting alone at the bar for my dentist friend to return from the bathroom. I noticed that the (extremely drunken) girl sitting (swaying) next to me was wearing similar shoes to a pair I'd just bought, except in red instead of black. I tapped her on the shoulder.
She turned around quickly. Her eyes followed, just a bit slower.
"I love your shoes," I said, admiring the shine of the patent leather (news flash: it's so hot right now).
She smiled with half of her mouth. "Thaaaaaanks," she paused, "They're so hot."
"Yeah, I just bought that same pair in black," I said and noticed she hadn't stopped smiling yet, "Anyway, they're really flattering on you."
She kept smiling as she turned around to resume the conversation she'd been having before I'd interrupted her.
I sat there again, alone, and was about to begin to write in my bar journal when she turned back around again to chat, decided that we'd made friends over shoes.
"Where's your friend?" She asked, one eye open.
"Oh, uh, he went to the bathroom."
"Is he your boyfriend?"
I furrowed my brow a bit. Odd question from another woman. "Oh, no, he's my dentist."
Without skipping a beat, or even momentarily contemplating self-censorship she blurted, "I had a dentist," she paused, "a for-real dentist, just offer me free veneers if I gave him a blowjob yesterday."
I laughed, but then stopped when I saw she wasn't. "Is that how he said it?" I asked with mock-incredulousness.
"Yeah. He flat-out said, 'give me a blowjob and I'll give you free veneers.'"
I paused for a moment. "Sounds like a good deal to me."
"You think so?"
"Well," I said slowly, "If he's clean and it doesn't take that long, you could make like $2000 in 10 minutes."
"See!" She seemed overjoyed that someone was finally agreeing with her decision to even contemplate this, "That's what I'm thinking."
"Go for it." I offered.
I left her there, nodding and (still) drunk.
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