The Law of Expectations

Let me let you in on a little bit of insight, called the Law of Expectation.  There are several variations of said law, however, the underlying life principle is the same: Model Success.  Expect the Best.  

Basically, put yourself in the path of greatness; do not set yourself up for failure.  Much like dog trainers will tell you, upon presenting them with a new puppy, do not expect your new dog to understand your commands right away.  A new, untrained puppy clearly does not know how to 'come' or to 'sit' immediately; you must be patient and teach your dog how to do these things before you can come to expect them.  Moreover, do not ask things of your dog that you know he cannot do, and then scold him for such.  This is not following a path of success for either you or your dog.

If there are two things that really turn me off toward a person, they are if that person just seems content being apathetic or drowning themselves in self-pity.  Whether this sounds selfish or not, it is true for everyone; we spend our lives trying to enrich ourselves, to learn new things, and to ultimately become better people as we learn and apply the lessons that life allows us to comprehend.  There are people that will give you energy, and people that will hungrily take it from you, and I don't feel selfish in feeling certain that the latter group are people that should be consistently avoided.  Depending on your personality you may feel a pang of sympathy for these people, and lend your shoulder to listen to them bitch about anything from how much their life isn't going the way they've planned, to how much gas costs 'these days' and how hard it is on them.  

But, face it: our lives are controllable.  Gas may not be, however, we're all going through it.  There are always people that are worse off than ourselves.  Instead of fearfully holding yourself back by not allowing yourself to see the sun shine through your emo clouds, try taking a step forward and getting your head out of your ass.  Seriously.  It feels better.  

A friend of mine told me of something incredibly hurtful that someone said to her once, awhile ago, that has stuck with her since.  My advice to her, was, to say, "Do you feel that way about yourself?" and if the answer is 'no', then realize that you should start asking yourself, "What is wrong with her?" not "What is wrong with me?"  You can only be as hurt from someone else's snake tongue that you allow yourself to be.  Be confident in who you are.

The fact of the matter is, by feeling bad for despondent people, you are just contributing pity to the self-pitying.  You are fueling their miserable fire, and eventually you will find yourself submersed in it.  You may feel that you can help, but that is not what they truly want from you.  Read between the lines.  Back to the dog; your first inclination at his incessant whining is to run to his aid immediately and let him out of his cage so that he will stop crying.  What you are doing is disasterous in the long term, since your dog knows that if he whines you will let him out of this cage.  You are not contributing to a healthy relationship between you and your dog at this point.  Fast forward one year and you're cleaning up piss everyday when you get home from work and spending your weekends putting in laminate flooring to replace the soiled carpet.

Sigh.

So, back to the Law of Expectation.  The key to not becoming one of these types of people is to practice effective visualization and apply it to what you know will happen to you every day.  We have a general idea of the types of adversities we will face on a day-to-day basis and we can choose to ignore them or choose to confront them.  Visualize yourself out of a negative situation.  Think about your options, potential outcomes, and then be ready for all of the above.  Learn from your mistakes.  Personal and professional relationships suffer when people can not learn from or overcome their mistakes.  The balance is to remain positive, while being realistic.  Amazingly, easier said than done.

See yourself succeeding.  I want to punch people when I hear them say self-defeating things like, "It figures," or "I wouldn't have been able to do it anyway".   Similarly, I shake my head when I hear people say things to defend the fact that they want every day to remain exactly the same as the one before it.  "I'm comfortable here," or "That isn't something I generally do..."

This is your life, and it's ending one day at a time.